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Log inLadies, take this as a warning.... lol
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kimb
kt_dragonfly
Di Masters
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Ladies, take this as a warning.... lol
by Di Masters Fri 17 Oct 2008 - 22:30
Waxing
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,
painless removal - The Epilady, scissors,razors, Nair, Immac and now...the wax.
Read on........
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, cooked dinner,
played with the kids. I then had the thought that
would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should
pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those
cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot
wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and
you peel them apart and press them to your leg
(or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No mess, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, Im not a genius, but I am
mechanically inclined enough to figure
this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
stuck together. Instead of rubbing them
together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to
1000 degrees. (Cold wax, yeah.right!)
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.
It works!
OK, so it wasnt the best feeling, but it wasnt too bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am
She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin
extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak
back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair
fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the
toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of
my bikini line, covering the right half of my
hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long
strip).
I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
Im blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that Ive only managed to pull off half the
strip. CARP! Another deep breath and RIPP!
Everything is spinning and spotted.
I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious Do I
hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe
OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused
me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to
it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I
hold up the strip!
Theres no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the
hair. The hair that should be on the strip..its not! I touch
I am touching wax!!
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now
covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I
make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the
toilet? I know I need to do something.
So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and
think to myself Please dont let me get the urge to poop. My head may
pop off! What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! Ill run the hottest water I can stand
into the bathtub, get in, immerse the
wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off,
right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
together, is having them glued together and then
glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the
way, doesnt melt cold wax.
So, now Im stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented
myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who
had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the
bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some
secret of how to get me undone. Its a very good
conversation starter So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the
bottom of the tub!
There is a slight pause. She doesnt know any secret tricks for removal
but she does try to hide her laughter from me.
She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, Are we talking
cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?
Shes laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown
and she suggests I call the number on the side
of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone elses night. While
we go through various solutions. I resort to
trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to
have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax,
glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the
sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not
working, dignity has taken a major hike and Im pretty sure Im going to
need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY
GAWD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids
and scared the dickens out of my friend. Its sooo painful, but I really
dont care. IT WORKS!!
It works!! I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs
up. I successfully remove the remainder of
the wax and then notice to my grief and despair.THE HAIR IS STILL
HERE.......ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, Im numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week Im going to try hair colour...............................
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,
painless removal - The Epilady, scissors,razors, Nair, Immac and now...the wax.
Read on........
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, cooked dinner,
played with the kids. I then had the thought that
would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should
pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those
cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot
wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and
you peel them apart and press them to your leg
(or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No mess, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, Im not a genius, but I am
mechanically inclined enough to figure
this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
stuck together. Instead of rubbing them
together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to
1000 degrees. (Cold wax, yeah.right!)
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.
It works!
OK, so it wasnt the best feeling, but it wasnt too bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am
She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin
extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak
back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair
fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the
toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of
my bikini line, covering the right half of my
hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long
strip).
I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
Im blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that Ive only managed to pull off half the
strip. CARP! Another deep breath and RIPP!
Everything is spinning and spotted.
I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious Do I
hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe
OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused
me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to
it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I
hold up the strip!
Theres no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the
hair. The hair that should be on the strip..its not! I touch
I am touching wax!!
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now
covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I
make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the
toilet? I know I need to do something.
So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and
think to myself Please dont let me get the urge to poop. My head may
pop off! What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! Ill run the hottest water I can stand
into the bathtub, get in, immerse the
wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off,
right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
together, is having them glued together and then
glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the
way, doesnt melt cold wax.
So, now Im stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented
myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who
had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the
bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some
secret of how to get me undone. Its a very good
conversation starter So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the
bottom of the tub!
There is a slight pause. She doesnt know any secret tricks for removal
but she does try to hide her laughter from me.
She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, Are we talking
cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?
Shes laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown
and she suggests I call the number on the side
of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone elses night. While
we go through various solutions. I resort to
trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to
have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax,
glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the
sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not
working, dignity has taken a major hike and Im pretty sure Im going to
need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY
GAWD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids
and scared the dickens out of my friend. Its sooo painful, but I really
dont care. IT WORKS!!
It works!! I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs
up. I successfully remove the remainder of
the wax and then notice to my grief and despair.THE HAIR IS STILL
HERE.......ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, Im numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week Im going to try hair colour...............................
***************************************
Smile, and make everybody wonder what you've been up to.
Di Masters- Awesome Artist
- Number of posts : 18830
Age : 68
Location : very small plot in Dorset
Registration date : 2008-08-30
kt_dragonfly- Awesome Artist
- Number of posts : 5642
Age : 41
Location : Manchester
Registration date : 2008-08-30 -
Re: Ladies, take this as a warning.... lol
by Guest Sat 18 Oct 2008 - 8:19
my hoo haa felt that..i was cringing with the poor lady...that gave way to guffaws of laughter. nice one
Guest- Guest
Re: Ladies, take this as a warning.... lol
by kimb Sat 18 Oct 2008 - 8:33
ive seen this one before but it still makes my eyes water thinking of the pain amid the laughter , thanks for reminding me of it though
kimb- Awesome Artist
- Number of posts : 13163
Age : 67
Location : nottingham
Registration date : 2008-08-30
Re: Ladies, take this as a warning.... lol
by Guest Sat 18 Oct 2008 - 8:55
OMG - that is sooooo funny!!!! 
Guest- Guest
Re: Ladies, take this as a warning.... lol
by Lorraine Sat 18 Oct 2008 - 10:59
I swear I have tears running down my face.
That is sooooooooooooo funny.
That is sooooooooooooo funny.
***************************************
I'm not a complete idiot...some pieces are missing!
Sew Lorraine (Etsy)
My Tutorials
My Photography
Lorraine- Admin
- Number of posts : 16280
Age : 68
Location : On the road to nowhere......
Registration date : 2008-06-02
Re: Ladies, take this as a warning.... lol
by thriftycrafter Sat 18 Oct 2008 - 18:24
Crying too, somehow don't think the hair colour will have any competition in entertainment value, but looking forward to the next instalment anyway.***************************************
Creativity is messy and I am very creative.
thriftycrafter- Awesome Artist
- Number of posts : 13000
Age : 62
Location : Kessingland Suffolk
Registration date : 2008-08-30
Re: Ladies, take this as a warning.... lol
by gingerjo Sun 19 Oct 2008 - 22:24
I've had that in an email and it still makes me rofl. I knew there was a reason I never waxed, lol.
Its bad enough pulling a plaster off!
Its bad enough pulling a plaster off!
gingerjo- Awesome Artist
- Number of posts : 4563
Age : 59
Registration date : 2008-09-05 -
Re: Ladies, take this as a warning.... lol
by Di Masters Sun 19 Oct 2008 - 22:32
lol, never been tempted myself either Jo!
***************************************
Smile, and make everybody wonder what you've been up to.
Di Masters- Awesome Artist
- Number of posts : 18830
Age : 68
Location : very small plot in Dorset
Registration date : 2008-08-30
Re: Ladies, take this as a warning.... lol
by WeirdCat Mon 27 Oct 2008 - 22:04
This always has me with tears rolling down my face,like the Texas chiili cook off joke, I can't read it outloud without crying with laughter by the end
WeirdCat- Moderator
- Number of posts : 12274
Age : 57
Location : Soggy North West
Registration date : 2008-08-30 -
Re: Ladies, take this as a warning.... lol
by Guest Tue 28 Oct 2008 - 7:29
You can't leave it like that, Ruth! You have to tell us the joke!!
Guest- Guest
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